Moms all have these days...where their kid(s) are uncontrollably mischievous, don't want to listen to anything, strong willed and are a roller coaster of emotions. Wills and desires of both Pria and mine butt heads lately. Most the time I am patient with her and Pria is patient with me. We both handle our frustrations the same way. We have to go to a different room to be alone with our thoughts, we take a deep breath (sometimes more than one...) and calm our spirits. I never shut her in a room. I usually end up leaving the room if my patience is too low and I am about to erupt. I lay on my bed, close my eyes and wait for her to do the same. Sometimes she needs help reminding her how if it is really bad. I will take a deep breath and then ask her to do the same as her body is shaking with frustration that she can't communicate. Sometimes they can't help it..
It doesn't always happen perfectly but after she does this with me we both calm down and talk softly about our emotions/frustrations/needs. Sometimes she just needs a hug and wants to be held and sometimes she needs to be free. Either way it is a constant struggle with a toddler and happens every day.
Yesterday I went to the movies with my sister and some mom friends. We all ended up talking about toddler tantrums and stories of our kids frustrated with something and how we deal with it. Jelina said, "I am so glad I don't have kids yet." I can see that opinion in so many others faces, judging me when I am in public and Pria is having a meltdown that is difficult to suppress. But they don't even know. Even with all the meltdowns, tears, wild energy and childish behaviors, it is so worth it all when they come to you for a big hug/kiss before you leave, to watch them grow, giggle about the simplest pleasures, snuggle with you on your best or worst days and love you unconditionally no matter your flaws. The positives of having a kid out weigh the negatives 10 to 1. Pria makes me happy with her innocence and little love. I am so grateful for that moment when she comes in the room and chooses to give me a big smile, hug and says something so sweet to make it all better...
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Photography & Friends
My photography is just a side hobby. I could easily make it more popular or have a lot more sessions of I really wanted to. I simply just don't want to. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy and love taking pictures and then editing them to my style. I love seeing the before and after and getting a wonderful response back from families of how they love their photos.
I just devote %95 of my time to my kid and will do with the next ones too. I am not one of those moms that do everything. Wear the perfect outfits everyday, have a hobby keeping them busy, working, dropping kids off at daycare while they do gym stuff, then make an extravagant meal at the end of the day, clean and make their house look gorgeous with decor and cleanliness. It's just not possible for me. I have nothing against moms that do that nor do I think they are any less of a good mom.
I just simply don't have that kind of energy, patience, focus, or drive to do everything. I like things simple. It's just my personality. With too much going on physically and mentally, I start to lose it and either get grouchy, impatient, easily frustrated when it doesn't go right or just overall can't breathe.
With photography you spend a lot of time on the computer and I promised myself I would never get to the point where technology was more important than playing with my kid. I understand there are some moms that HAVE to do this for work and have no choice because they need to either help support or are single moms that need to. And yes we could make more money which would help us out a lot...
But I won't get this time back with Pria or any other kids we have. I don't want to regret spending all my time with her when she becomes a hormonal teenager that wants nothing to do with me at one point.
On any given day with any of Prias cute little things she does with me or just for herself, I never know when it will be the last time for this or for that. I wanna soak it all in and not just watch it and think how cute and then go on with my day. I like to watch her and just think/reflect on her childlike habits and remember it.
I like to just watch her. She helps me to be happy and forget things. I learn from her. You can learn a lot from a toddler. I like to see how she figures things out or how she works her little mind. It's amazing what she can take in, remember and understand.
She's my little best friend. I know a lot of people but that doesn't mean I have a lot of friends. You don't really need a ton of friends to be happy. Just those few that know you inside and out that won't judge you for stupid stuff and will be there for you no matter what. Or ones that won't brush you aside when their life gets better and they leave you in the dust.
Sierra LaDow is that for me. I miss her a lot and I'm sad she lives in Utah. I have good friends here in California but none like her. When I need her the most but can't see her more than maybe twice a year (if I'm lucky), I just snuggle with my Pria and forget what I'm upset about. Or I go shopping for myself....lol. But mostly just spend time with Pria on a walk through a quiet park or up the road to see the horses etc.
I am grateful to my good friends Emily Tafa and Stephanie Turnes out here in Ca, who are just so real and can understand my personality or attitude. They don't judge me and I feel like they aren't the type to ignore me if they don't agree with my thoughts on stuff. I haven't known Stephanie for many years and Emily I have known forever in the church but we became closer when i moved back to Cali and we both were having kids.
I'm not the type to put myself out there or go looking for friends to be social with. I'm okay with not being around people all the time. But every now and then it is nice to be with people who you can have an adult conversation with, can relate to you, don't care about how you dress or decorate your house, and enjoy being yourself with. And when friends aren't available, sometimes Dustin says, well why don't you go hang out with this person or this person or put yourself out there? I'm not complaining that I don't have a bunch of friends or saying why don't people like me to him. I'm just sort of saying I miss my old friends and wishing they could be there to "just be" with me. He doesn't seem to get it. He's mellow but more of a social person than I am. Which is totally fine and good for his job/church callings. But he doesn't seem to understand that part of me.
You could say well if you made more friends maybe they could become your new best friend or maybe they could understand you like your other good friends.
It's not the same...
It's just not the same. I'm jealous of those people that live by their best friend they have know most their life and hang out all the time and their kids become best friends. Sure I pout about it sometimes...
But Pria keeps me busy and keeps me happy. I am so grateful for her and her sweet lovey happy spirit. She keeps me on track...
I just devote %95 of my time to my kid and will do with the next ones too. I am not one of those moms that do everything. Wear the perfect outfits everyday, have a hobby keeping them busy, working, dropping kids off at daycare while they do gym stuff, then make an extravagant meal at the end of the day, clean and make their house look gorgeous with decor and cleanliness. It's just not possible for me. I have nothing against moms that do that nor do I think they are any less of a good mom.
I just simply don't have that kind of energy, patience, focus, or drive to do everything. I like things simple. It's just my personality. With too much going on physically and mentally, I start to lose it and either get grouchy, impatient, easily frustrated when it doesn't go right or just overall can't breathe.
With photography you spend a lot of time on the computer and I promised myself I would never get to the point where technology was more important than playing with my kid. I understand there are some moms that HAVE to do this for work and have no choice because they need to either help support or are single moms that need to. And yes we could make more money which would help us out a lot...
But I won't get this time back with Pria or any other kids we have. I don't want to regret spending all my time with her when she becomes a hormonal teenager that wants nothing to do with me at one point.
On any given day with any of Prias cute little things she does with me or just for herself, I never know when it will be the last time for this or for that. I wanna soak it all in and not just watch it and think how cute and then go on with my day. I like to watch her and just think/reflect on her childlike habits and remember it.
I like to just watch her. She helps me to be happy and forget things. I learn from her. You can learn a lot from a toddler. I like to see how she figures things out or how she works her little mind. It's amazing what she can take in, remember and understand.
She's my little best friend. I know a lot of people but that doesn't mean I have a lot of friends. You don't really need a ton of friends to be happy. Just those few that know you inside and out that won't judge you for stupid stuff and will be there for you no matter what. Or ones that won't brush you aside when their life gets better and they leave you in the dust.
Sierra LaDow is that for me. I miss her a lot and I'm sad she lives in Utah. I have good friends here in California but none like her. When I need her the most but can't see her more than maybe twice a year (if I'm lucky), I just snuggle with my Pria and forget what I'm upset about. Or I go shopping for myself....lol. But mostly just spend time with Pria on a walk through a quiet park or up the road to see the horses etc.
I am grateful to my good friends Emily Tafa and Stephanie Turnes out here in Ca, who are just so real and can understand my personality or attitude. They don't judge me and I feel like they aren't the type to ignore me if they don't agree with my thoughts on stuff. I haven't known Stephanie for many years and Emily I have known forever in the church but we became closer when i moved back to Cali and we both were having kids.
I'm not the type to put myself out there or go looking for friends to be social with. I'm okay with not being around people all the time. But every now and then it is nice to be with people who you can have an adult conversation with, can relate to you, don't care about how you dress or decorate your house, and enjoy being yourself with. And when friends aren't available, sometimes Dustin says, well why don't you go hang out with this person or this person or put yourself out there? I'm not complaining that I don't have a bunch of friends or saying why don't people like me to him. I'm just sort of saying I miss my old friends and wishing they could be there to "just be" with me. He doesn't seem to get it. He's mellow but more of a social person than I am. Which is totally fine and good for his job/church callings. But he doesn't seem to understand that part of me.
You could say well if you made more friends maybe they could become your new best friend or maybe they could understand you like your other good friends.
It's not the same...
It's just not the same. I'm jealous of those people that live by their best friend they have know most their life and hang out all the time and their kids become best friends. Sure I pout about it sometimes...
But Pria keeps me busy and keeps me happy. I am so grateful for her and her sweet lovey happy spirit. She keeps me on track...
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